As a young negro boy growing up in the South I learned to wait and watch as others directed things.  In time, however, I directed my own path.  Eventually I turned into a first rate student and athlete; a true a class leader.

For the remainder of my life I approached things differently.  Quietly.  Fighting bigotry, I knew, would take generations.  So while life wasn’t easy, I gained plenty of personal insights and rewards. 

My advice: Don’t fight others to force them to see the light.  It never works.  Show them what it looks like: Dignity. 

Elroy
07/18/10

We’ve all heard it: take time to smell the roses. But do we?  I didn’t.  But then I never really appreciated how quickly life could end.

Do something that has a positive effect on your life’s outlook each and every day.  Example:  listen closely to the abundance of life-affirming sounds in the park…kids laughing, birds singing, families sharing, trees rustling.  What’s important is to find a positive focus and then soak it in as if your life depends upon it.

If you don’t accept the gifts life has to offer, your will to live will weaken.  It happens subtly, but it happens.  Reverse that!  With purpose find joy in something special every day!

- Howard

07/11/10

A few times over the course of my life I had the opportunity to be a judge in a local pageant or fair.  Of course it was fun at the time, but later I realized how differently I was judged - sometimes better, sometimes worse - depending on the outcome of the contest.

How awkward was that, I remember thinking to myself a number of times as someone I recognized refused to acknowledge me.  Too late now, I thought.  But it wasn’t.

Someone I confided in gave me great advice: Always be the first to say hello to people, no matter who they are, friend or otherwise.  It gives you the advantage every time.  Then it’s up to them to continue bridging things, and they almost always do.  Believe me, this works even with your harshest critics!

Terry

07/04/10

Choosing Paris as the place to get married seemed like a wonderful idea.  After all, April in Paris - what dreams are made of!  So my fiancé and I agreed to tie the knot in the City of Light. 

Candidly speaking though, what we didn’t realize was the difficult position we put our friends and family in, financially.  So instead of the majority being able to attend our nuptials, we had only a handful.

Some say it didn’t matter, but I can tell you now that while Paris was everything I had hoped for, our wedding wasn’t.  For years after I regretted that more family and friends weren’t able to be with us to share our most important day. 

Be open to traveling, of course.  But stay home when you want to have special memories that can be shared with those you love. 

Annabelle

06/27/10

I would like to pass along the best advice I ever got: Give your opinion only once. After that, let it go.  Believe me, if you heed this advice your opinion will carry much more weight than if you insist upon repeating it. 

I like being able to come through!  It’s been a long time since I’ve been heard on your side since most of my friends and family are here now with me.  For the record, I was a longshoreman in my younger years.  While betting was my vice, family get-togethers were my strength. 

I died shoveling snow.  It was over pretty quick.  No one I knew picked up a snow shovel after that, so I guess ‘pressing my messages through’ really did the trick!

Arnie

06/20/10

Become a great parent by becoming a great role model.  See yourself as your child’s exact blueprint of future behavior.

For instance, if you yell or argue to get your way, they will too.  If you turn on the charm to manipulate getting your way, they will too.  But if you show patience under pressure, they will too.  The outcome then becomes a tremendous shift into a relaxed relationship of cooperation.

Every instance where you demonstrate patience becomes a feeling etched on your child’s heart that life is worth living, because people are worth knowing…including themselves.

Such is life!

Doreen

06/13/10

When you’re young you believe in love, because you’re still undamaged by it for the most part.  But for those who had difficult home lives believing in love is a challenge, because trust is involved.  So it was in my life.

In my 20s I took a foreign language class.  Struggling one day to pronunciate words correctly, a fellow student kept smiling at me.  She sensed my awkward attempts and wanted me to feel at ease.  She wanted me to see that I could trust her; that she wouldn’t laugh at me.  Hard as it seemed to believe, it felt like I could trust her. Eventually we got together, and through our trust made a healthy, loving life together. 

Don’t give up on love.  Make trust the foundation of your friendships, and then watch what happens: love!

Patrick

06/06/10

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Time was never an issue for me because I lived on an island where we rarely looked at clocks.  Mostly we moved with the sun and the tides and let the day unfold for itself, which left each day wide open to wonderful surprises!

Coming through is a privilege, I know, because there are so many of us over here who want to come through.  So, I want to make the most of my wish: make each day a BIG day.  What this means to me is do at least one new thing each day! Sing a new song.  Walk somewhere different.  Try a new food. 

It only reasons to follow that when you give new things a try, unexpected things unfold from there like dots happily connecting!

Follow this advice and become a brighter person.  It’ll make a surprising difference.  I’m sure of it!

Rowena

05/30/10

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Suffice it to say there are too many people each day telling us what to think and do.  For me, however, none of their opinions or advice mattered as much as my wife’s, so I learned to dismiss their ideas of who I should be and how I should behave, and only took to heart what my wife thought.

When she and I took our marital vows we promised to love and honor one another.  To us that meant putting the other ahead of yourself.  Sometimes it was easy. Many times it was not.  But after 55 glorious years together, the result was the best marriage and closest friendship of all my friends and colleagues. 

Find out what your spouse’s wishes, wants and needs are, and then make them happen from your heart.  It’s the glue that binds you! (Bonus: It also keeps you healthier, longer.)

William

05/23/10

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Brave people come in times of trouble.  As they step forward, we recognize something special that sets them apart.  Once in a while, however, a brave person has been in our midst all along, quietly waiting for God to call upon them.

That’s why I’ve come through today.  I want to retrace my footsteps back to when I was a boy in Indiana and fell into an abandoned well.  Dark and slippery is all I remember now, but without the help of our neighbor, a dear, private man, it would have been my certain demise.  Upside down for nearly an hour he hung, holding my hands and telling me funny things to calm me down as others pulled us up.  Although we got out, he wasn’t carried home the way he should have been: on people’s shoulders. 

So many folks are braver than you know.  I believe God allows each of us times to step forward, but not everyone does.  He did.  I owed him my life and am so glad for this opportunity to say thanks.  “Tom, from the bottom of my heart, thank you!”

Mike

05/16/10

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People almost always thought I was a boy.  Though I tried to look more feminine, in their minds they saw me one way so I was stuck.

I’m sharing this because there are millions of kids just like me, pigeon-holed by society into what they feel is who you are.  After years of being rejected, taunted and teased, I gave up. 

When God took me home, I was shown how I could have changed things for the better: instead of seeing myself in the mirror with similar feelings of rejection, I needed to see myself with love in my eyes. 

If you see anyone with their head or shoulders down, smile at them.  Give them a sincere compliment.  Tell them how special they are.  It makes a difference.  It may make all the difference when they see love in your eyes.

Thank you for sharing this time with me -

Tracy B.

05/09/10

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From the day I died, I promised myself that if ever I could come through to help someone on your side I would advise that they live as if today were their final day. 

While that may sound morbid, it’s not.  In fact, it’s the most life-affirming thing one could do.  Believe me!  I tried it a few times and the difference those days made in my life were amazing, because I treated people, even strangers, like they were more special than anyone. 

It came over me one day to try this.  I like to think it was God talking to me, but however the idea came I’m grateful because I got to have a handful of days that felt like the sun was shining from the inside out!

A lot of love,
Kathleen

05/02/10

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Too many times we think we’re not enough.  But the funny thing is, we’re much better at nearly everything than we think.  I’m here to tell you a secret: when you wish for something it’s just that.  A wish.  Tell yourself that you’re already really good at whatever it is that you want to be good at!

It’s true.  Sincerely!  People talk themselves out of so many things it’s silly.  While they say they want it, they pretend they know why they can’t really achieve or have it.  Nonsense!  Leave no room for excuses.

Start rallying your forces of positive energy.  It’s a gift to use them.  After all, they’re God-given!

Jerry

04/25/10

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I fought and fought with my dog, Big Duke, over which part of the bed or couch he was allowed to be on until I nearly wore myself out and he only got more defiant.  We mostly just put up with each other until he died, and then I felt so alone.  I missed him so much.

Once I died and came home, Big Duke was there to greet me! In fact, his tale wagged so much it pushed me around which surprised me since I didn’t think that could happen once you leave your body.  But, as it turns out, when you really love someone – even a pet – you bring them back to life in a way that is much more real than you could possibly know.

Love your family with all your heart.  And yes, that means your pets, too.  When you die, you’ll be amazed at what awaits you! 

Love life with all your heart -

Rayleen

04/18/10

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“Full of life!” That’s how people always used to describe me.  It was fun being a teenager with lots of friends because it meant I always had someone to do things with.  That is until the time I dared myself to ride my bike for as far as I could without looking. (Dumb, I know.) That’s when I was hit by a car and fatally injured. 

Before I died I wished I hadn’t put so much stock in proving to myself that I could do things I knew I shouldn’t.  It wasn’t worth the dare, and certainly not worth what it put my family through.  Don’t test fate! Don’t be stupid and don’t let anyone – not even yourself – talk you into a dare.  Do life-affirming things because that’s when you really begin living the good life!

Simon

04/11/10

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A small picture of me is in my parent’s home.  It’s of me as a baby.  While I appreciate that they keep my photo on their nightstand, I wish they would have a picture or two of the three of us when we were having fun on vacation or something like that.

Part of me understands that pictures of me at the age when I died (17) would be painful, but it’s also a gesture that they are willing to keep me in their lives as I was and am…not just their baby. 

Because they now see me almost always as their baby, I seldom see them anymore and when I do it’s because I am checking in hoping they’ll feel me and recognize that I’m still there.

Please put a few photos of your deceased loved ones around your home if you still feel love for them.  Please!  If it’s easier put them in private places, but let their photos be at various stages of your lives together.  It may help your heart to heal.  I can tell you for sure that it truly helps ours.

Suzanne

04/04/10

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When you die, you walk with yourself in a sort of life review.  While I know it sounds impossible to be both in your life while observing it, it isn’t.  After I died it took me a while to notice the number of people on my side willing to make peace with their life.  It’s not easy to see what you did that was ill-minded or ill-fated, but when you do - and you accept responsibility for it - you release yourself from the past and move forward in peace.

In observing my past, I noticed I worried unnecessarily over almost everything, large or small, spending endless hours figuring out what might happen.  It was exhausting.  But on those rare occasions when I relaxed, that’s when I felt the unmistakable feeling of freedom from life’s what ifs, and gained clarity over what should be. 

It’s a given that when you take ownership of your own messes you get to move onto the next big thing in life.  For me the next big thing meant coming through to you with this advice: don’t worry about things that haven’t happened!

Harold

03/28/10

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Before I died I noticed that when I got winded and had to breathe deeply in order to catch my breath, that’s when I felt surprisingly sure of myself.  Centered.  Even-tempered.  It was remarkable! 

Then as I lay dying (floating over myself), I saw that with each exhalation I let go of a little more of my old self as the brighter, real me became more and more revealed! 

Release your sorrows and fears.  Breathe deeply and exhale with resolute determination. Reveal the real you, the brightest you, without having to go through the trauma of death first.  Fresh is how you’ll feel!

Evelyn

03/21/10

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When we were kids in my family we were taught early-on to work for things we wanted.  It gave us a lot of pride and satisfaction once we got them.  On top of that, we certainly took better care of our stuff than most of our friends.  But more important than that – which is why I wanted to come through – we kids learned early to work together, which earned us a tremendous amount of trust with one another.

I’m troubled these days because I see so many people not asking one another for help, or even offering help because they don’t know how to trust one another.  If you’re one of those people, what I want you to consider is to learn to trust by giving and receiving kind words…not empty compliments, but true words of kindness.

In my opinion the deeper meaning of kindness is trust.  It means you’re willing to go out on a limb even if you’re unsure about the other person.  What I can promise you is that you’ll find out that in trusting people you will be transformed.  How?  You won’t judge or feel judged so easily, which means you won’t hurt or feel fear so readily.  Before you know it you’ll become the person you always wanted to be: happy!

Goals are good.  Now go reach yours!
- Sam

03/14/10

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I loved being a Camp Fire Girl when I was young.  I learned smart ways to deal with difficult situations as well as accept some difficult people by staying calm, thinking through my options, and then making things happen for the better.

No matter what your age, start or join a group of people who share your interests.  Together you’ll experience far more fun than you would alone.  More importantly, you’ll share valuable ideas along the way that will come into play in your life, I promise!

When I was 85 years old I died in my sleep with no regrets.  Isn’t that the best?

Such fun to share,
Sarah

03/07/10